blog – The Pink Rose Diary

I love taking pictures. I take pictures every single day. I pay for extra storage on my phone each month because I have 40,000+ pictures on my phone. I have a hard time letting go of pictures even if I have 45 that look the exact same. I just absolutely love them.

I always thought that the reason I loved pictures so much was because my memory isn’t great. I thought old photos helped me remember moments in my life that I loved. I’ve thought this for a really long time, but today that thought changed.

I think the reason I love taking pictures so much is because I have a really hard time living in the present moment.

I was listening to a Mel Robbins podcast episode yesterday, (which I will post below)!! Mel Robbins talks about how her family is visiting her for a few days and she was so excited to see them. But, just a moment later, she started to feel a complete different emotion. She wasn’t happy anymore, she was sad because she started to think about how they will be leaving in a few days. It made her realize that her mind tends to focus on the future and what could go wrong, which leads her to not fully enjoying the present moment. I HIGHLY recommend listening to this podcast, and a lot of her others. One of my coworkers recommended this to me and I am very blessed that she did.

Today, I am tying this into why I take so many pictures. I was going to blog about my love / hate relationship with fitness, but I changed my mind. While I was looking for transformation pictures, I started wondering why I take so many again. I said to my partner “I’m so glad that I take so many pictures, I think I do it because I tend to not live in the moment because I’m busy worrying about the problems that could happen in the future.”

That’s it. That’s why I love taking pictures. I have such a hard time being in the present moment with my loved ones, friends, family, and even my pets. I’m worrying about money, my career, my relationships, my future, the fact that that the house is a mess, the fact that I haven’t smiled in a few days, or the fact that life is so short and I’m so dissatisfied with what I am doing on a day to day basis right now.

Because my mind goes on this downward spiral about everything going wrong in my life — I struggle to just enjoy what’s happening right in front of me. I’m constantly distracted. There’s always something else on my mind that isn’t the person I’m talking with, or the pet I’m playing with, or the activity I’m trying to accomplish.

I really believe that subconsciously I take a lot of pictures because I want to be able to go back through my phone and see great moments so I can ignore the pain I’m feeling while I’m taking them. I trick my mind into thinking that my life is happy, joyful, and exciting, when in reality — the whole time I’m taking the pictures I’m feeling fear, sadness, or anxiety.

I think I do this because sometimes it’s hard to admit to myself that I am deep down, a very negative person. I have a negative narrative towards myself. This isn’t easy to admit to myself or to anyone that reads that. I usually judge people that are negative because I can feel their energy drain everyone in the room. But, the reason I judge them is because I know that my base level right now is exactly that — negative and draining.

But as hard as it is to admit it — it’s even harder living like this on a daily basis.

I want to become more aware of the present moment. I want to enjoy the moment that I’m in now. I want to be able to know that I was genuinely happy when I was taking the picture. I truly want to start enjoying every moment because like I said, life is way too short.

I think I will challenge myself to start being more present when I am taking pictures. I want to ask myself:

Why am I taking this picture?

What is so special about this moment that I want to capture?

Why is this important to me?

Am I being present with whatever I am taking a picture of?

I think this will help me live more in the now. I will be reminded why I am taking the picture in the first place. I’ll remember the important things in my life. I’ll remember to be present again and be grateful for having such beauty in my life.

I really think this was an “aha” moment for me. I feel very inspired. I feel like I just unfolded another layer of my story.

Cheers,

And below… only a very small percentage of the pictures I have on my phone 😉